When I was a pastor, I met with many couples to plan not only their wedding day, but also their marriage – their partnership in love and life. Each person, of course, brings to a relationship a whole history of dynamics from their family of origin.

Two questions I always asked each person to reflect on and talk about together are:

“What patterns or traditions from your family do you want to carry forward in this new partnership?”

“What patterns from your family do you want to leave behind and NOT welcome into this new relationship?”


  • Continue sharing expressions of affection, going camping as a family, attending Christmas Eve services, etc.
  • NOT continue patterns of passive aggressiveness, co-dependency, gambling addiction, keeping harmful secrets, etc.

The truth is, families are a bundle of love, joy, and support as well as dysfunction, hurt, and disappointment. (You likely have some answers to each of these questions – and not just in relation to a partner or spouse – but in how you want to consciously live your life.)

Simply naming these things sets the tone for a new relationship, instead of letting these patterns run quietly in the background unacknowledged. And once these are named, each person in the partnership can help hold the vision for a healthy, enjoyable relationship. They can ALSO be on the lookout for times when the old patterns start to creep into the relationship.

One of the reasons I loved to meet with couples for these conversations is that it was often one of the few safe and neutral spaces they had to talk together about tender things.

Though I miss doing weddings now that I’m a coach and energy clearing specialist, I still have the privilege of setting a safe and confidential container in my work. I often hear from my clients that they see their lives in a new perspective simply from the questions I ask during a session.

Do you have a safe and neutral space to be heard?

Do you create time to hear yourself – your Truth?

Learn my top 7 ways to tap into your inner Truth in my free guide.

Let’s keep the conversation going

What patterns from your family of origin have you left behind? Are there still some old ways of doing or being that you’re ready to shift? Please let me know in the comments your thoughts or any questions you have. I’d love to hear from you!

Manda Stack

About Manda

I’m Manda Stack, Intuitive Coach and Energy Clearing Specialist. I’ve dedicated my life to helping people get calm, clear, and connected so that they can make empowered decisions to live with joy, confidence, and freedom. My signature services include intuitive coaching and personal energy clearing sessions, which are done virtually through Zoom sessions. Click here for more information.

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